you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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