I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
