i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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