I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
