All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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