Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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