dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
