he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It's just like the Real World with babies
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
