I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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