Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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