Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
