My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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