addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize