is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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