He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
