Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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