Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
