i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
