please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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