how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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