Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Randomize