Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
