she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
