So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
