I'm so fucking centered right now
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
