i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
