I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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