So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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