just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
