She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Watching her eat just hurts me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
