im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
