i think my tv is drunk
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
