I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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