I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
