I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
