Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
