Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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