dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
