dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My penis needs a shock collar
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
