so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
