i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
