...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
