i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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