pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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