i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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