I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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