Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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