I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
