yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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