for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I had to cum in my sink.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize