Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
