none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
