Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
