So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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