My first STD was from a foam party
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
