Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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