am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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