If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
