When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
