You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
