doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
