Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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