I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
