I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
