When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize