I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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