im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
