If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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