I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
