Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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