I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
