What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
