Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
