he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize