Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
